Nappily Ever After

If the title of this post seems familiar, then you’ve probably seen the Netflix trailer. Violet, played by Sanaa Lathan, basically has a midlife crisis of some sort that eventually leads to a meltdown in which she shaves off all her hair. With her new drastic look, she then pieces her life back together and better yet, embarks on a journey of self-love and discovery.

I am yet to watch the show (that summary was based off the trailer) but the theme is definitely familiar for a lot of naturals; self-discovery, through your hair. If you don’t wear your hair in its natural state regularly or have just gone natural, you may be like huh? Read on please, I’ll explain.

Shot of my fro,wash n go, shot by me (w the help of self timer mode)

We’ve all hear that song by India Arie, ‘I am not my hair’, which is true, or should be true, however, the impact hair has on your confidence cannot be understated. Everyone can recall at least one occasion where they had their hair done and felt hella fly, vs times where you felt your hair was not looking its best and you basically wanted to hide it, or yourself entirely.

Hair and self-confidence have an even more complex relationship when it comes to black women. In a world that constantly forces Eurocentric standards of beauty down our throats, having skin and hair that looks nothing like that of a European often puts our confidence in a particularly precarious situation.

In this post I will be sharing the stages of getting to what I now call ‘Nappily Ever After’ and how embracing your natural hair can lead to an unexpected change.

The term nappy is often used as an insult, it is used to describe hair, often of Africans or those of African descent. Especially tightly coiled hair. Basically texture shaming, as ridiculous as that sounds. In this context, the term ‘Nappily Ever After’ would refer to a point one reaches where they accept and love their hair, and themselves in their natural state.

Getting to that stage is a long and tedious process, and I must say one I definitely didn’t see coming when I went natural. In my case, the switch was simply informed by wanting healthy hair. I got a bit too comfortable with the flat iron, more so the compliments I would receive from having bone straight hair. I had always worn my hair stretched, even as a kid. My mother had/has no qualms with my natural texture, she just didn’t know how to style it in its kinky curly state, so we just always blow-dried it (like full blowout). I only knew my hair was what you’d call kinky curly, heck, even nappy, when I went natural. This was after heat damage that had ruined my hair. So I made the decision to chop most of it off. Armed with a vague YouTube tutorial and hope, I set off on my natural hair journey and quickly experienced stage one of the journey to NEA ; Excitement.

A gorgeous puff, image from google.

Excitement.

This is when you’ve just chopped your hair, all those images of gorgeous natural hair on Instagram and Pinterest flash through your mind, You get excited believing your hair will look like that in no time. Although you get a little startled when you look at yourself (and your dramatic new cut) in the mirror, you like it! And you could get used to it. That is until, stage two rolls in.

Discomfort

You’ve been enjoying your natural texture for a bit now. Maybe a month or two, if your hair is long enough at this point, you start experimenting with hairstyles. The YouTube tutorials seem to yield a completely different hairstyle from the ‘easy’ one your fave youtuber looks bomb in, but that’s ok, you’ll learn. You finally get a decent bantu knot out right and finally feel fly af, Your boost of confidence is rudely disrupted by either a relative, or that one hater “friend” (who you should ditch btw,) poses the worst question to ask anyone with natural hair, ‘So when are you getting your hair done?’ ‘But it is don…. Chances are this clueless individual (who clearly hasn’t gotten the hint that they should shut the f up based on your facial expressions) proceeds, “I feel like the whole ‘curly hair thing’ isn’t for textures like yours” (a sentiment most women with type four hair may have gotten) or “you look so much prettier with straight hair”… Cue stage three; doubt

Doubt

The seed has now been planted, you’re not as enthusiastic about your hair as you were before. You probably feel self-conscious whenever you go out with your hair and may result to trying to cover it. Natural hair tutorials get more confusing and harder to execute, and you begin to contemplate going back to straightening/perming your hair. The looks you get at work or school (or even just out) aren’t really helping either, often a blank stare directed at your hair. You imagine all the negative things they must be thinking which only leads to more unease, you almost feel apologetic for having the hair you have. You might feel the need to excuse it for being so ‘wild’ and ‘in your face’. You are just about to throw in the towel when you decide to try a little longer, you begin to look a little harder into caring for your hair, and come across beautiful images of hair that’s just.like.yours. The final stage slowly rolls in;

Happy model, Image from wix.

Acceptance

With more specific info, you attempt a style and it comes out perfect, Scratch that, it looks bomb. You head out feeling confident once again. Chances are you might bump into the same agent of Satan that planted the seed of self-doubt in the first place. They may take another jab but not today! ,Nope. You’re still feeling yourself. From seeing images of women with the same beautiful texture as yours, you have come to appreciate it. Through many bad hair days and botched styles, you have come to learn your hair. By styling it and experimenting with styles you have realized how intricately coiled each strands is, by watching it move from damp and against your shoulders to seeing the strands dry and form a halo around your face, you have seen its magical nature.

You have realized that indeed nobody else has hair like ours, which was once a bad thing but now you realize how awesome that actually is. It occurs to you that your hair, (and you) were created to stand out, literally and metaphorically (esp. if your hair is in a fro).The interesting thing about most spaces that celebrate natural hair is, they also tend to celebrate blackness in its entirety. If you are perceptive and honest with yourself enough, you identify the negative mindsets about yourself and your race and you begin to tackle them one by one. You begin to experience the incredible feeling of feeling beautiful in your own skin, loving your own hair and trust me, this has a domino effect. Finally it dawns on you that you have now fully entered the world of self-love, it is yours to grow in and explore with reckless abandon. You are now in your ‘Nappily Ever After’ state.

That is all for this long post, please don’t get me wrong, your journey into self-love can come about through limitless ways, and an embrace of your natural hair is surprisingly one of them, which this article was about. If you actually got this far down, thank you so much for reading this post! If you would like to receive updates on the latest posts and exclusive content, you can do so by subscribing here, thank you !

Xo- Alex